


Polarization

by Tam_Cranver



Category: Firefly
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-27
Updated: 2009-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 08:45:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tam_Cranver/pseuds/Tam_Cranver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River's point of view on her own slightly skewed sense of right and wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Polarization

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the ff_friday "virtue and vice" challenge on LJ. I own none of the characters used here, nor am I using them for profit; they belong to Joss Whedon and company, and they're used here only for entertainment.

They say patience is a virtue, but River knows better. The seven cardinal virtues are hope, faith, love, charity, temperance, fortitude, and justice. Patience is just waiting in the dark for the clouds to clear and Simon to come. And yet, the world now seems full of new virtues, springing up like weeds in the cracks of her mind; perhaps patience is among them.

River used to be able to tell between virtue and vice. The line between them was as clear as the difference between dark and light. But since they branded her with their mark and burned the undesirable shades of understanding from her mind, it is as if the world has shifted half a step to the right, a polarizing filter blocking all her light. They've tried to teach her the new ways. Virtue is sitting quietly and eating her food and taking Simon's medicines without complaint. Vice is making noise and throwing things and picking up the gun.

But when Kaylee was huddled, frightened, and the evil men were shooting at her, then picking up the gun was a virtue. When is it a vice? River knows the seven deadly sins: Wrath, gluttony, avarice, sloth, pride, lust, envy. Where does picking up the gun fall in?

River's mind is sharper than ever. She has retained every piece of knowledge she ever learned, in the Academy or otherwise. But none of it makes any sense. Nothing she knows tells her what to do, and she is overwhelmed by despair. The shades between good and evil are difficult to discern. She thought slashing Jayne with the knife was good, because his mind was filled with thoughts of betrayal and his outfit was lacking in color, but it turned out to be evil. She thought stealing was bad--she'd been taught that stealing was bad--but how could it be evil when it made everyone on the ship so happy?

River sees things in black and white, right and wrong, but everyone else sees the world in various hues of muddled grey, and she yearns to remember how she saw before.

Simon gives her the drugs every morning. Sometimes they leave her with a feeling of clarity, of connectedness to the ship and everyone on it. Sometimes they make her throw up. Simon is always so worried, but he tells her to be patient.

He says patience is a virtue. River knows better, but doesn't tell him so. Simon has so many virtues, she can allow him this foolishness. He understands the new ways more clearly than she does, anyway.


End file.
